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THE KIELTY KONSIDERATION - July 8, 2022

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THE KIELTY KONSIDERATION - July 8, 2022

I actually considered taking this week off from the “Kielty Konsideration.” It’s not as though the nation I truly love hasn’t disappointed me enough. It does continue to do that. Another disgruntled loser had access to a gun and turned it on people truly undeserving of death at the hand of some pointless miscreant. Hell, I can always find something worth griping about but that one stung because if you can’t even go to a parade in this land of the free we’ve really defined ourselves as incapable of going forward anymore. I thought I might have seen our lowest depths firsthand when a couple of disassociated dipshits bombed the Boston Marathon but once again (obviously not the first time, likely not the last) I was proven wrong. I’ll never claim to not being well versed in being proven wrong. Anyway, I guess the underlying theme this week is just this: United States, you’re better than this. Get your shit together. Enough is enough.

A dear friend posted this recipe, as I can only imagine a recommendation for a holiday treat. Knowing her, I also know she laughed as she did. So, being the eternally curious idiot that I am, I felt inclined to try it. I had the main ingredients at hand (though I did liven it up with a hearty dash of bourbon), and to no sensibly minded person’s surprise it was just as awful as you might imagine. I give applause in two ways to the creator. Who came up with this monstrosity and actually somewhere got it published?!? Was there ever anyone who said after sampling it, “Damn, that is a fine refreshment!” Additionally, I will also applaud anyone with the audacity to order one in public. I am fortunate enough to be friendly with people who have an absolute dexterity as mixologists and I know they’d shake their heads at someone ordering a Beef Fizz. Even the name of it conjures an adult book store slang term rather than an enjoyable beverage. Yet, now you actually know, or at least know of, someone who has tried one. Not in the least recommended.

Fireworks accidents. Two words, an immediate image. Double that word count and you get to the simplicity of the way this procedure should occur. “Light fuse, get away.” Is that really all that difficult to comprehend? Light fuse, get away. Even the most simple of us can’t even be confused by the presence of the comma. “Light fuse, get away.” If there was ever a handbook for dummies that is chapter one. It’s an explosive device for goodness sake. Yet nonetheless these amusements are widely illegal and that is because each and every year there are a wide-ranging batch of morons who choose not to obey the very easy adage, “Light fuse, get away.” These are the people for whom the Beef Fizz was created.

And, finally, I present something exceedingly positive. There was a musical project given to world this past week called, “Pop N’ Rock Companion, ‘22” by a Boston collective called Gymnasium and it quite frankly kicks ass. The mastermind behind this gem is called Charles Hansen and as someone who can’t play a lick of music but still admires the art form sufficiently enough to have written criticism of it, I can say it’s a barnburner. This guy put together a crackerjack collection of songs and the people who contributed to it speak not only to his talent but also to the respect he deservedly has earned in one of the best musical communities in this country. When people ask you if you have heard anything good lately tell them that you like Gymnasium and you are instantly the coolest person in the room. They will thank you later (if they have any sort of taste) and they’ll buy you a drink.

Alright, then. You see I didn’t give anything further to the foolishness in Illinois this week, and why should I? I’m angry about it too but why waste time and words undeservedly in that direction when my Beef Fizz is getting warm (the best way, actually, but God it’s truly a terrible drink). Stay safe and for the love of humanity, “Light fuse, get away.”

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